I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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