And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
