just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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