So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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