It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
