The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
