So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
MIDGETS
????
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
