jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
