this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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