The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have feelings that need drinking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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