Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
