Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
