Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize