I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
