I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize