Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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