just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
