Do you still have your period?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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