so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
