I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
