Soap is not a condiment
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
