There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
