Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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