I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
