I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
