Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
