you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
