I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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