Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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