My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
