Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
