I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
