Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize