i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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