I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't turn off my feet"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
