those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
