bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
