My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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