I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
