hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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