Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
