Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
