I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
