respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think my moral compass just broke
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
