Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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