woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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