Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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