I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
