I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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