got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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