Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
