DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
