i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
