She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
