is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
