is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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