well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
