she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize