hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
