I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
