Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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