Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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