btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
