you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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You. Win. At. Life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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