Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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