If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
